Dating Abuse

Dating abuse can manifest itself in many different and equally dangerous ways, and can occur in all types of dating relationships, including teen relationships, heterosexual relationships, and same-sex relationships.

The ultimate root of violence in dating abuse relationships is the desire of one partner to obtain and maintain power and control over the other partner. It is important to realize that the evil of dating violence is not isolated or random in nature. It takes form in cycles, becoming more violent and harmful over time. The first step to help yourself or someone else is to recognize it. Identifying either yourself or a friend as the victim of dating abuse is extremely difficult to do, but it opens the doors to recovery and safety, which are our primary goals for you.

If you are a victim of dating abuse:

If you are a victim of dating abuse, you can call the free 24-hour info and crisis line at Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence at (303) 444-2424. The Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence (SPAN) has specially trained counselors who can talk to you about dating abuse 24 hours a day. You don't need to be in crisis to call this number. You can call anytime for information, and you can ask questions. You can call about a friend, a family member, or about yourself. When you call this number, you will be connected directly with a counselor. The call is totally confidential as long as you don't give the counselor your name or number. Safehouse counselors can help you devise a safety plan. You don't have to break up to get help. There is also a special SPAN staff member who works with teens, and who can provide you with ongoing counseling, help you find a support group, or give you help with restraining orders and the legal system.

Types of abuse within dating relationships:

Dating Abuse:
Emotional, verbal, physical, or sexual abuse within a dating relationship. The abuse is used by one partner to obtain and maintain power and control over the partner.

Emotional and Verbal Abuse:
Being yelled at, glared at, criticized, humiliated publicly, threatened with abandonment, unfairly accused of having sex with others, having money stolen, or having personal property destroyed.

Physical Abuse:
Being slapped, pushed, restrained, kicked, locked out, subjected to reckless driving, abandoned in dangerous places, threatened with weapons, beaten, burned, shot, or killed.

Sexual Abuse:
Being called a sexual name, forced to strip, accused of promiscuity, subjected to unwanted touching, forced to watch partner being sexual with others, forced to participate in sex while others watch, subjected to unwanted sexual touching, forced to do sexually degrading acts, or raped.

Some of these types of abuse can feel less serious or severe than others, and sometimes we don't pay attention until we are looking at behaviors that are quite lethal. But the truth is that even the behaviors that feel less severe can escalate. It's important to take all dating abuse behaviors seriously.

Some teen dating violence statistics:

• 1 in 10 high school girls in a recent Boulder Valley School district survey reported having been forced to have sexual intercourse in a dating relationship.
• A Colorado survey found that 60% of all rapes were date rapes. The majority of victims were between the ages of 16 and 24.
• In the United States, 1 in 5 high school age girls have been physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.
• About 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser after violence has begun.

Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence Youth Resource 303-444-2424

Dating abuse early warning signs:

1. Jealousy and possessiveness
2. Controlling attitude
3. Alcohol and drug abuse
4. Explosive temper
5. Blaming and justifying
6. Lying
7. Gender-stereotypical beliefs (for example, a male taking on beliefs that women are less important than men and, therefore, treating women with less respect/being abusive to women)
8. Isolation (for example, keeping a victim from spending time with her or his friends/family)
9. Any use of force

The presence of one of these warning signs in a relationship doesn't necessarily mean that dating abuse is happening. But it is important to pay attention to these warning signs, especially if you see more than one of these warning signs in your relationship. Abuse gets worse with time. If any of these indicators are present in a relationship, it is crucial that each partner gets help before it gets worse.